Mama's Little Secret

I am so over February

The calendar claims February is the shortest month, but this one seems to be dragging on and on and on.  First the bullshit in Minneapolis with my mom, which after hearing some of your mom horror stories in the comments of my last post, makes me think I’m not the only one with a batshit crazy parent. Then there were 2 massive snowstorms that closed school and pretty much made me a prisoner in my home for days on end.  Couple that with a 6 month old puppy wearing a giant plastic cone on his head and stitches in all 4 legs and in that special spot between his legs he’d really like to lick if we took the giant cone off.  I’m so ready for March!

My husband and I leave for Jamaica on Tuesday, leaving the kids and Cone Dog with my in-laws for the week. I have already started the paperwork for school and Grandpa (notes for the teachers and instructions for Grandpa), and have plans to put together some school snacks ahead of time, and pack complete outfits for the girls so there hopefully will be no skinny jeans drama from my 8 year old. *fingers crossed* Grandma and Grandpa will have their hands full, but I know they will love every minute of it, as their grandchildren mean the world to them.  Besides, I’M GOING TO JAMAICA, WHO CARES WHAT THE KIDS DO ALL WEEK!

A Long Weekend

Here I am. it’s Monday morning and I feel like shit.  Unlike the rest of the state of Wisconsin, I’m not nursing a hangover after last night’s Packers Super Bowl win, I’m sick again.  My youngest is completely over the nasty flu she had last time I checked in here.  I was feeling so much better toward the end of last week but I should have known going out of town for a weekend of waterpark swimming, Mall of America shopping (plus the giant amusement park inside the mall) and 2 six hour car rides was too rare to be able to do healthy. I’m pretty sure I now have a sinus infection and something is definitely not right with this left ear of mine.

We went to Minneapolis for a girls weekend with Grandma N.  It’s always hard for me to explain to people who Grandma N is without using words like kinda and sorta.  My parents separated when I was about 10 and never bothered to do anything about terminating their marriage since my mom lived with us in North Dakota and my dad was working here in Wisconsin sending money home.  Finally when I was 13, my older brother graduated high school and my mom put our house up for sale.  My dad came home for the graduation and to pick us up for the summer. While my two brothers and I were here in Wisconsin for the summer, we decided to stay.  Actually my brothers decided to stay with my dad, and I wanted to stay with them.  My dad was living with his girlfriend (Grandma N) on the east side of Milwaukee and we stayed with them until fall when we moved out to a suburb and enrolled in school.  My mom was renting a room from a friend in Minneapolis and when she was served with divorce papers from my dad on Father’s Day (oh yes, this was the kind of divorce my parents chose to have) she tried to get custody of me and my younger brother.  When my younger brother said there was no way in hell he was leaving my dad and my brother, she focused just on me.  My older brother was of course 18 and not involved in the custody battle but my younger brother and I were thrown right into the mix. Long story short, we lived with my dad and his girlfriend and went to visit my mom regularly until we all graduated high school. My dad and Grandma N were together until my kids were 2 and 3 respectively.  Grandma N helped plan my wedding and rocked my babies and is always just a phone call away when I need her for anything.  Shit, my kids call her Grandma (hence the name Grandma N), there was no way we could not still be family after she and my father split a few years back.  She never married and never had children so we are now her family.  We’re very close and now that means that I have three parents who cannot ever be in the same room together.  Not that they would physically tear each other apart, but it would be terribly uncomfortable for me.  It is uncomfortable for me. 

My mom’s father passed away last November and my dad came all the way out to North Dakota for the funeral.  I’m sure my mom knew he would, but still I felt tossed in the middle when I took my mom aside after we arrived to give her a heads up that my dad was coming.  My brothers would have never given her the courtesy but after I did, I felt torn between the comfort my father provided at a sad time for our family and loyalty to my mother who was dealing with the loss of her father.  It was fine, they got along and everything but they both wanted little bits of info from me. Where’s he living?  Does she color her hair?  Is he still laid off?  Is she still nuts?

They all ask about each other and cut down each other in front of me and even now at 30 years old it still gets to me like it did when I was 13.  Whoa, I think all this snot in my head is making me miss the point.  Anyhow, we left Friday and spent the night at the waterpark with the kids and when I woke up Saturday morning or more accurately finally crawled out of the bed I was tossing and turning in all night, we went to the mall for the day. It was a day full of decongestants (for me) and amusement park rides.  Not a good combo, by the way.  By the time we made it back to the hotel, I was exhausted but I had made plans to meet up with my mom since she lives in the area.  Grandma N had dinner plans with a friend so we went out with my mom for the evening.  I didn’t have the energy for her or the trek through the giant Ikea store across from our hotel, but I knew she wanted to see the girls and I knew she wouldn’t let me cancel, so we went. Plus Ikea is pretty cool and we don’t have one anywhere near where I live.  So off we went in my mom’s metallic blue Ford Fusion.

My mom is difficult.  She’s controlling and nosy and neurotic and self-centered and cheap and she loves me.  She calls my house and if someone other than me answers the phone, she announces herself as A_____’s mother.  She did that even when I was in high school and both of my brothers lived under the same roof.  She calls me at least once a week and hasn’t called either one of my brothers in over 6 months.  Just doesn’t.  When I called her almost 10 years ago now to tell her that I was getting married, she hung up the phone on me.  When she composed herself and finally called me back and we were chatting about the wedding, I told her I planned to take my future husband’s last name, she told me I should take her last name.  Goofy shit like this is what I have to put up with.  So after about the millionth pointless question and probing Saturday night, on the way out of the Ikea parking lot when one of my girls reminded me that Grandma N wanted us to fill the ice bucket when we got back to the room, my mom says in a completely judgmental tone, “what does she need ice for?”  I fucking lost it.  “WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?  IT’S ICE!”  Then instead of just dropping us off at the front door of the hotel she insisted on coming inside.  There were no parking spots and it was cold outside, so when we finally found one we had to carry all of my Ikea treasures, my daughter’s car seat and all the other crap my mom brought with her.  Between my fever and my anger at her pushiness, my evening was ruined.  She pushed her way into our hotel suite, removed her coat, showed herself around wanted to know which beds we were all sleeping in and proceeded to pull out her laptop to show me pictures from her vacation to Mexico last month.  Like I had the energy to deal with that yet?  She had crossed the line once again and I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I told her that if she wanted to show me her pictures or ask me for help figuring out how to email the photos we would have to do it downstairs in the lobby. Of course she protested but I knew Grandma N wouldn’t want her there and at this point I didn’t want her there anymore either.  We went downstairs so she could tell us all how great her vacation was, she hugged us all and left, totally unaware that I was mad, sick, embarrassed and disappointed by the whole thing.  My girls were wonderful and could see what I saw which made me feel the tiniest bit better except for the fact that now my children have to put up with the same shit I’ve been dealing with for years.  When we got back to the room, I flipped on cartoons for the kids and went in the bedroom to have a good cry and call my husband.

My dad should have been a philosopher with all of the funny yet useful things he says.  Whenever I have an issue with my mom or anyone else in my family he reminds me that I can pick my friends, I can pick my nose, but I can’t pick my family.  Something I repeat to myself on an almost daily basis. I take a deep breath and try to remember this when I feel the frustration and anger build up, but it’s tough.

The rest of the weekend was fun,  The mall was huge and the amusement park was as fun as it was last summer when my husband and I took the girls as we were passing through to visit family in Minnesota. I finally bought my girls the Packers shirts I promised them weeks ago and I even bought myself a pair of Packers underpants as a joke for my husband which I had absolutely no energy to pull off last night after our 6 hour car ride back home.

Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to blow my nose, take a hot shower and hopefully take a nap this afternoon and enjoy the peace and quiet that is Monday. Home, sweet home.

Secret #2: This All Could Have Been Avoided*

In hindsight, 4 days of missed school and illness could have (possibly) been avoided if I had just taken my own advice.  Every year I insist that my children get a flu shot. I call my grandparents to make sure they’ve had theirs.  I even pester my bitchy old farmer boss to get hers and yet this flu season, we went unvaccinated.  I’m not sure if it was the lack of hype over the seasonal flu this year or the abundance of vaccines and no shortages like last year with the H1N1 flu chaos on top of the seasonal flu,  or perhaps it was just plain carelessness.  Whatever it was, I never made an appointment to take my kids in and get them vaccinated.  Now, we have the flu.

My youngest was fine on Monday.  We had some friends over for dinner and all was well. She ate, she played, she brushed her teeth and went to bed.  The next morning she came stumbling into the kitchen with a hacking cough and complaints of a sore throat.  Or as she says it, thow-it. I kept her home from school even though she didn’t have a fever, but I knew that if I sent her and the teacher heard one of those harsh, barking coughs, I would be called to pick her up.  I didn’t mind, I’m a stay at home mom for these very situations, besides she was still in a good mood and not throwing up, thank goodness.  Wednesday was the same story accompanied by the fever that was absent on Tuesday.  Thursday came and went with more coughing, snot and low grade fever.  I emailed her teacher on Thursday to let her know that the snack my child was supposed to bring on Friday for the entire class would probably not be coming.  The teacher then informed me that most of the class was out with the flu this week as well.  Looks like I’m not the only parent who underestimated this year’s flu season.

So far I’m the only other person in the house to catch it, and today besides the snot I had to wash off my face when I woke up this morning, followed by a necessary dose of ibuprofen and Sudafed (the good stuff you have to show your id to purchase), I’m felling a bit better.  My youngest still has no voice but this morning her fever was almost gone, reading right around 99.  We’ll survive, but next year I’m going to make sure we all get flu shots.  Mark my words!

*Assuming this was in fact the seasonal flu.

And the madness continues

Anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock for the last three days knows that the Green Bay Packers are now going to the Super Bowl.  Whoop-de-frickin’-do.  As much as I’d like to forget about it and get on with the rest of my life, it’s nearly impossible. 

For example:

• I went to a local sporting goods store yesterday morning to have our ice skates sharpened and as I walked in the door, standing there greeting me were two employees all decked out in their packer gear hawking the brand new, just off the presses, NFC championship shirts, hats, sweatshirts, green and gold football shaped balloons, beer can coolers and so on.  By the time I passed through the checkouts to pay for my skate sharpening, the front of the store was filled with Packer fans grabbing up everything they could get their hands on. 

• I heard from a friend who is a 4th grade teacher, and besides being asked to wear Packer gear last Friday, the staff at her school was also encouraged to wear the same Packer gear they wore to school last week as not to jinx the Packers.  Like the clothing choices of a handful of elementary school teachers has an effect on the performance of a professional football team. Forget the years of hard work, it’s definitely the fans and their wardrobes.

• Yesterday I turned on the local news and watched as a professional financial planner discussed how the Packers could apply whatever the hell she does business strategies to winning the Super Bowl, all while wearing her husband’s Green Bay Packers sweatshirt from the last Super Bowl the Packers won.  She said her husband only let her borrow it for the segment as long as she promised to take it off right afterward.  The whole segment was lost on me, but heaven forbid we talk about real financial issues or even the upcoming tax season when the Packers are going to the Super Bowl.

And you thought Nascar fans were wacky.

Secret #1: I hope the Packers lose tomorrow.

I don’t enjoy football and I wish the game was over already. Not that I want to take away the excitement from the fans in this cheese head state, but I do want life to go back to normal. 

I want actual news on the 10 o’clock local newscasts and not live team coverage from Green Bay to Chicago and everywhere in between, interviewing every drunk at the bar with a Packers cap on his head.

I want to see the real faces of my friends on Facebook and not big green and gold Gs or pictures of broken nosed linebackers filling my friends list.

I want to go into a store on a Sunday in hopes that there will be less shoppers because of the game, and not have to listen to the game being piped over the loud speakers.  Nothing irritates me more when an employee of a store stops ringing up my groceries and cocks his or her head to hear what’s going on with the game then starts talking to me about it, like I give a damn. I’m out buying groceries during the game, what makes you think I’m interested? Some of the stores around here are even closing tomorrow so their employees can watch the game.  Mind you, they are open during a snowstorm, yet close for the Packers.

I want the public school my children attend to focus on actual learning on Fridays before a big game and not spend the whole day having Packer parties full of football shaped cookies, painting green and gold stripes under their eyes and goofing off all while wearing their favorite Packer gear, of which my children have none. I understand team spirit and all, but it’s getting a little nuts.

My oldest daughter came home complaining that she was the only kid in her class to not have a Packers sweatshirt and we should go to the store right now and get her one.  I explained to her that none of her clothing has logos or advertising on it and that’s the rule in our house. Although after feeling like a total football scrooge, I did tell her that if the Packers win this Sunday, I will buy her some sort of packer clothing to wear at the (inevitable) Packer day at school before the Super Bowl. 

So more than anything, I hope the Packers lose this Sunday and for all of the this madness to be over for the year.  Sorry Packer fans.  Now you know why I have to keep this one a secret, living in the heart of Packer country and all.  Go Bears!

A Fresh Start

I’m not normally a very impulsive person but I am sick and tired of feeling like I need to censor myself on MY blog, so here I am starting a brand new blog and this time I will NOT be giving the URL to my family.  Not that I wish to complain about them a great deal, but it seems that without fail on every personal post, I get phone calls and emails full of questions and/or criticism.  To say I am sick of my mom and her 20 questions regarding my upcoming vacation or emails informing me that my family is in someone’s prayers because my kid has a stomach bug would be an understatement. 

I plan to keep this blog public because I do want readers, but having readers that know me from my writing and my photos is different than nosy cousins and former neighbors and facebook friends I’d rather not share such personal stories with then wonder later when I bump into them at the grocery store if the suspicious look they gave me was about something they read on my blog.

So here I am ready for a fresh start.